Roxie - I. Preface



Roxie - Chapter 1:  Preface

 

Sliding one leg into her fishnet stockings, Roxie looked up and caught her reflection in the mirror. She stared back at the pensive girl whose mind was far away from the evening’s show. She was remembering the first time she came here. Well, not specifically “here” as they were never in one place for too long and were currently set up in the middle of Bum Fck Egypt, but “here” as in with this family - her circus family. She was eighteen at the time; sad and confused. And perhaps a little bit defiant. Her boyfriend had just broken up with her a few weeks after graduation, her parents were hitting her with the ‘you need to go to college’ spiel every time she turned around, and she just wasn’t ready to make a commitment about her future. She wanted to be a kid a little bit longer. She had every intention of getting a part-time job, but she wanted to call her own shots. She just needed a little more time to get over Derek. But when her parents issued their ultimatum - that she enroll in college or they would stop paying for her gymnastics lessons, she had had enough. She packed a bag in the middle of the night, wrote a short note, and left.

Charlie found her that night, sitting at the train station. He told her later that it was the look on her face that had made him approach her. He sat down next to her, asked her where she was going. He told her he was with the circus - they were taking the train to their next stop. He invited her along.  Roxie was intrigued by him.  He had a kind face, a gentle manner about him, and the longest handle-bar mustache she had ever seen.  In fact, she couldn’t help but stare at it as he was talking to her.  She idly wondered if he had to walk sideways to get through a doorway.  Seeing as she didn’t have any other plan other than just getting out of town, Roxie accepted his invitation. She figured she’d hang out with Charlie and his friends for a little while until she decided what she wanted to do with her life. That was ten years ago.

Ten years. Where did the time go? Roxie’s gaze left the mirror, and slowly took in her immediate surroundings. She was in her own trailer. She had grown a lot in ten years, and she was a star now - part of the Three Ring Circus Main Attraction. When Charlie found out she was a gymnast, he asked the acrobats to take her under their wing. They taught her how to be trapeze artist. With natural talent and an eagerness to learn, Roxie had mastered the trapeze in no time. She became a circus performer, and a part of their family. A small smile played across her face as she recalled her life thus far with the circus. It was a busy life, with performances ten days in a row at each town they rolled into. She got to dress in fancy, sparkly costumes, and all eyes were on her when she closed the show with the other acrobats.  Lost in memories, she recalled the first gymnastics recital she had ever seen.  She was six and was completely enthralled, especially with the sequined costumes.   But she was too shy to do more than just sit there watching, awe-struck.  As fate would have it, the instructor noticed her watching and approached her after the recital.  Smiling down at her, the instructor waved her hands toward the kids on the stage and said “Everybody wants to be somebody fancy.  Even if they’re shy.”  Well, that little intervention was all Roxie needed to beg her mom for lessons, and she’d been doing gymnastics ever since.  She loved the competitiveness and the costumes as a little girl.  As she got older, her confidence grew and when she joined this circus family, the rush she felt as she performed her graceful and daring acts satisfied her adventurous streak.  The unexpected bonus was the close bond she developed with the other performers, and it instilled a sense of peace within her.

The days they weren’t performing, they were traveling. Roxie welcomed the busy schedule and the fact that they were never in the same city for very long. Because, while she had long gotten over Derek, there was still an emptiness deep inside her, like she was missing something. But rather than explore that emotion, she buried it. She used her nomadic lifestyle as an excuse and tried to convince herself that she didn’t need anything other than what the circus life gave her.

Pausing in her thoughts, Roxie began thumbing through the makeup on her dressing table. Her fingers stopped when they landed on the jeweled heart-shaped box, the one he gave her. Picking it up, her thumb lightly traced the jeweled stones as she closed her eyes, remembering once again.

“Did you see the new guy?” Shannon had asked her. Roxie hadn’t, and she joined her friend in peeking through the tent curtain. She saw Charlie talking to someone, but his back was to the girls.

“Who is he?” Roxie asked.

Shannon shrugged. “I heard that he just wants a job. And Charlie said the other day that we needed to pick up a few more clowns. Maybe he’ll hire this guy as a clown. Though, it’d be a shame to cover up that face with a ton of makeup.”

Roxie merely rolled her eyes. Shannon always had a thing for ‘the new guy’. And Roxie always let her. She was perfectly content with her life the way it was. She had so far been successful in keeping love and all its drama at bay. She certainly didn’t need some guy getting in the way or complicating things. She figured this particular new guy wouldn’t be any different. She didn’t know how wrong she would be.

It was a couple more days before Roxie saw the new guy again.  She had just finished rehearsing and was on her way to her dressing room when she saw him in the walkway.  She didn’t recognize him and was about to just politely nod as she passed by, but when he smiled at her, it caught her off guard.  She looked at him just a second or two longer than she normally would have, and he didn’t let the opportunity slip by him.

“Hey there,” he said.

“Hi,” replied Roxie as she stopped beside him.  “I haven’t seen you around before.  Are you the new guy?”

Smiling, he replied, “yes, I am.  My name’s Chase.”  He held out his free hand in greeting, which Roxie took.  “I’m Roxie,” she replied.

“Pleased to meet you,” said Chase as he shook her hand.  In his other hand he held the remains of a cookie he had been eating.  Taking another bite, he asked Roxie “would you like some Biscotti? There’s some more in the big trailer and I could get you some.”

Roxie looked at him for a minute before replying “um, that’s not Biscotti.”

“Sure it is.  It doesn’t have much flavor, but Mitch offered it to me.  He said he just bought the generic -- what?” Chase stopped when he saw the look on Roxie’s face.  She looked like she was trying very hard not to laugh.

“You’re eating a dog biscuit,” she said, giggling.  “Mitch always does that to the new guys.”

Chase let the biscuit fall from his hand.  He watched with wry amusement as one of the poodles lying nearby saw it and scurried over to pick it up and carry it away. 

“Well, I guess they pegged me for a sucker,” he said good-naturedly. 

They had stood there, talking, for close to an hour.  Roxie figured she was just being nice to the new guy.  She didn’t figure on being taken in by his charm.

 

A sudden knock on her door brought Roxie out of her reverie.  “Come in,” she called.  The door opened partway and Charlie poked his head though. 

“Curtain call in about 15 minutes, darling,” he told her.  Then, catching the look on her face, he asked “Are you okay?”

Roxie softly smiled.  “I’m okay, Charlie.  I was just thinking about some stuff.  Don’t worry, I’ll be ready to go when they announce me.”

Charlie looked at her quizzically.  If he’d learned one thing about Roxie, it was that if she didn’t want to talk about something, she wasn’t going to.  But he couldn’t resist a parting comment before he left:

“Better clear your mind before you come out here.  You know you’re doing a solo act tonight.  I don’t want you getting distracted.  There won’t be anyone to catch you if you fall,” Charlie warned as he closed the door.

“I will catch you if you fall.”

Roxie heard those words in her head just as clearly as the first time she heard them, when Chase said them to her last year.  She closed her eyes, and saw the two of them standing under the big top.  They were in a heated discussion - one she had been long avoiding.

 

“Why are you holding back?” Chase asked her.  “We could be so good together, you and I.  You know how I feel about you.”

“Chase, I told you from the beginning that I wasn’t ready to start something.  Not with you or anyone.  I don’t need anyone in my life now,” Roxie tried to explain. 

“You’re lying,” Chase countered.  “You’re scared that you’ll get hurt so you’re trying to push me away.”

Roxie didn’t say anything in reply; she looked away and avoided his eyes.

Chase reached out and gently took Roxie’s hands.  Softly, he whispered to her, “My beautiful Trapeze Girl.  Fly to me sweetheart, I will catch you if you fall.”

Roxie looked up at Chase with tears in her eyes.  Fighting the urge to fall into his arms, she instead pulled her hands free from his. 

“No, Chase.  I can’t.”

Exasperated, Chase ran his hand through his hair as he paced back and forth.  Finally he turned to Roxie.  “You put your faith in your flying partners every time you go out there,” he said, clearly frustrated. “Why won’t you put your faith in me?”

Roxie studied Chase as various thoughts flew through her mind.  The desire to settle down clashed with the fear of having her heart broken again.  In a matter of seconds, a dozen pros and cons fought against each other, until she reached the only conclusion she was strong enough to make.

With a heavy sigh, she looked Chase in the eyes.  “If I fall from my trapeze, I have a safety net. There is no safety net with love,” she explained.

And without giving him a chance to reply, Roxie turned and ran out of the tent. 

Chase didn’t show up for his act that night.  In fact, that was the last time Roxie saw him.  Now, as she sat holding the jeweled box he had given her, she wondered where they would be if she had taken that chance.

Standing up, Roxie shook her head, flinging those memories into the corners of her mind. She quickly slid her other leg into her fishnets. She couldn’t dwell on whether or not she had made the right choice. It was 7:30 now…..the show must go on.

© Dahlia Ramone:  April 22, 2017

 

This was originally written for ‘Loaded for Blog,’ back in March, 2008.  I think this is the first time I’ve ever recycled a piece.  But this week’s Blogophilia topic brought me back to this story.  With a couple tweaks, I was able to easily fit in this week’s prompts.

Blogophilia Week 8.10 Topic: Three Ring Circus

Bonus Prompts:

Hard (2 pts): Quote Donald Miller *

Easy (1 pt): Name an African country:  Egypt (in first paragraph)

*“Everybody wants to be somebody fancy. Even if they're shy.”

 2008 LFB Topic:  “My life as a circus performer”

(Include mention of a handlebar mustache and a dog biscuit)