A Totally Rad Fairy Tale

Loaded for Blog Topic:

Write a story –  

A fairy tale involving a witch and a talking cat.

Make sure to include mention of some

marmalade and a bottle of Sake.

 

 Ok, so like, once upon a time, there was this totally rad princess named Crissyanna.  The only problem was, Crissyanna was a little deluded.  You see, she wasn’t really a princess, because she didn’t live in a great castle, and her father wasn’t King.  Actually, her father worked at Tire Mart, and she lived in the valley.  And, while it was a totally awesome valley, Crissyanna felt her life lacked, well, excitement.  And she desperately need it.  Excitement, that is.  Get your mind out of the gutter.  So, lack of royal bloodline notwithstanding, Crissyanna bestowed upon herself the title ‘Princess.’  At least her father called her that, so she figured it wasn’t much of a stretch.  And she did really want to be a princess.  She figured it was only a matter of time before she officially became one and that people should become accustomed to referring to her as such.  So it was with this goal in mind that she decided to embark on a great quest - to seek her prince and live happily ever after.  Or at least, move into a better neighborhood.

So one day she bid farewell to her father who, with some reluctance, allowed her to go. 

“Be careful, princess.  It’s not safe beyond the valley,” her father warned. 


“Oh, father, I’ll totally be fine.  I’m not an airhead you know.”

Princess Crissyanna missed her father’s raised eyebrows.  He said nothing in reply and only hugged her goodbye. 

“Take care of yourself, and call if you need anything,” he instructed.

 
“I will father.  Goodbye!” she said happily as she scampered, completely clueless, out the front door.
 
 Several hours later, as darkness began to fall, Crissyanna came to a fork in the path.  As she bent down to pick it up, she realized she forgot to pack any food for her journey.  ‘Dayam,’ she muttered to herself.  ‘I could totally go for a juicy burger right about now.’  Absentmindedly, she put the fork in her pink faux-suede purse, and continued down the path.  She didn’t see the pair of eyes watching her.  She didn’t notice that the pair of eyes was now following alongside her, in the brush.  She didn’t notice when the pair of eyes hurried several yards ahead of her.  She was quite oblivious, actually and totally didn’t expect what she was about to encounter as she rounded the corner.  It was then, when she rounded the corner, that she realized she was not alone.
 
“Yo, babe.”

 Princess Crissyanna stopped and looked around.  She didn’t see who could have been talking to her - all she saw was an orange cat.  She turned to continue on her way. 
‘Psssst,” the cat whispered.

She turned back around and looked at the cat.  “WTF?” she said to no one in particular.  The cat looked up at her, with his head cocked to the side.  Princess Crissyanna studied the cat a moment before stating: “you are a cute little orange ball of fur.  I shall call you Fur Ball Marmalade.”




 
“Well, that’s lame,” said the cat.

Princess Crissyanna shook her head.  “Did you just….talk?” she asked the cat. 
“Oui, Senorita,” he replied.

 
“Who are you?” she asked, peering down at the cat.
 
The cat replied “My name is Pierre Rodriguez.  I am your destiny.”
 
“Are you for real?” she asked.
 
“Fer sure,” Pierre Rodriguez replied smoothly. 
 
“But, you’re a cat,” she was confused.
 
“Ah, but I merely look like a cat.  I am really -” he paused dramatically. 
 
“What?” asked Princess Chrissyanna.
 
“A PRINCE!” Pierre Rodriguez replied with a flourish.
 
Princess Crissyanna gasped in surprise.  “Then, if you’re really a prince, why do you look like a cat?”
 
“A witch’s evil spell.  Duh,” replied the cat.
 
“So, what then?” asked Princess Crissyanna skeptically.  “Am I supposed to kiss you to turn you back?”
 
“Ahhhh, were it so easy. Unfortunately, that only works for frogs,” Pierre Rodriguez shrugged. 
 
“Then, are you to like, remain a cat?”
 
“No.  You must find the evil witch who did this to me and steal her potion.  It’s the only way.  Then when I am restored to my princely self, we shall marry, and you finally will be a most righteous, for-real princess.”
 
“How did you know I wanted to be a real princess?” she asked.
 
Pierre Rodriguez shrugged nonchalantly.  “I read the narrative.”
 
“Well, alright then,” replied Princess Crissyanna, apparently satisfied with this turn of events.  “I’ll find this evil witch.  Does she have a name?”
 
“Yes, her name is Hillary the Witch.  Though, she’s known around the ‘hood’ as H.W.,” explained Pierre Rodriguez.
 
“Ooooh, she lives in the ‘hood?” asked Princess Crissyanna, excitement shining in her otherwise dim blue orbs.  “Finally I shall have some excitement.”
 
“Yeah, sure babe.  Excitement.  Danger.  Test of character.  It’s all there,” yawned Pierre Rodriguez.  “Just hurry will ya?  I swear if I cough up one more fur ball….” he shuddered in disgust.
 
“Oh, right.  I’m totally on it,” Princess Crissyanna said as she turned to go. 
 
“Wait!” commanded the cat.  She turned to him expectantly.  He turned serious as he said, “I shall leave you with these parting words of wisdom:  Beware of Sake-swilling surfers from Sarasota.”
 
She looked quizzically at Pierre Rodriguez.
 
“I’m just sayin’,” he replied before slinking off into the brush.

“Well, okay,” Princess Crissyanna said, more to herself than anyone else.  She walked a little further before fatigue got the best of her.  ‘I’ll continue on in the morning,’ she said to herself.  Finding a soft patch of oh, I don’t know, African Violets, she laid down on them and fell fast asleep.  Pierre Rodriguez watched over her from a distance.


Early the next morning, around 10:30 or so, Princess Crissyanna woke feeling quite happy.  She was closer to finding her prince.  Her quest had taken on more importance.  She had a purpose.  With determination for fuel, she strode purposefully down that path of enlightenment.  It never occurred to her that she failed to ascertain a rendezvous point with her future prince once she found H.W. and retrieved said potion.  Fortunately for her, he continued to follow a few steps behind, and off to the left.

A few hours later, the sun was beating down on a decidedly bored Princess, and she was beginning to think she would never be out of the valley.  She focused on a small hill up ahead, telling herself that once she cleared that hill, she would come down into a new and exciting place.  Possibly, even, H.W’s ‘hood.’  Well, she reached the top of that hill, and looked around in amazement at her new surroundings.  She looked in awe upon mile after mile of sandy beach and clear blue water.  ‘This must be the ocean I’ve heard so much about,’ she wondered aloud.  Pierre Rodriguez looked around, slightly annoyed.  He realized he could no longer remain hidden.  Still, he figured he’d continue to walk behind the Princess for as long as he could remain undetected.  By his estimation, he figured that would still be quite a while.


 
Princess Crissyanna bounded down the hill onto the soft sand.  She looked about, trying to decide which direction to go, when she heard voices off to her left.  She turned and saw two guys with long blonde hair carrying surfboards.  Intrigued, she walked over to them.

“Dude, that wave was so the bomb!” said Shawn.


 
“Totally, dude.  I almost got knocked off my board!” agreed Shep.
 
“Dude!” Shawn nudged Shep.  “Check out that bodacious babe coming over here!”
 
The two surfers watched as Princess Crissyanna made her way over to them.  “Hey,” she said as she approached them.

“Hey Dudette,” greeted Shep.


“Like, what’s your name?” asked Shawn.

Standing tall and proud, she regally replied “My name is Princess Crissyanna.” 


 
The two surfers looked at each other in disbelief for a minute, before breaking into huge grins.
 
“No way!”
 
“That’s totally gnarly!”
 
They high-fived each other, then high-fived Princess Crissyanna as well. 
 
“We like, never knew a real princess before.  This is so awesome!” said Shawn.  Shep nodded his head enthusiastically. 
 
“So, are you two from around here?” she asked.
 
Shawn shook his head.  “Nope.  We’re from Sarasota.”
 
‘Sarasota…..Sarsota….why does that sound familiar?’ Crissyanna muttered to herself.  The two surfers exchanged glances.  Crissyanna looked at them.  They looked at her.  The cat rolled his eyes. 


“So, what are you doing out here?” Shep asked Princess Chrissyanna.

“I’m looking for an evil witch so I can steal her potion and turn a cat back into a prince,” she explained matter-of-factly.

The two surfers exchanged looks.

“Riiiiiight,” they said in unison.


 
“Well, we’ve got some sake that’s, like, totally bad.  Why don’t you come back with us and we can just chill and stuff?” invited Shawn.
 
“Oh, no.  Thanks anyway, but I must find this witch,” Princess Crissyanna declined as she once again headed off. 

Shep looked at Shawn, totally annoyed.  “Smooth move, Exlax.”


“Whaaat?” Shep asked.


“That was the best line you could come up with?  Dude, you totally suck,” Shep lamented.

“Oh, eat my shorts.  You suck,” countered Shawn.  And as Princess Crissyanna headed off into the distance, the two surfers could still be heard arguing amongst themselves.  Totally.


 
“Well, that was close,” said Pierre Rodriguez.  He had grown tired of walking behind Princess Crissyanna and had instead elected to walk alongside her.
 
“What was close?” she asked.

“Those surfers.  If you had gone back with them, the sake would have come out, you would have all gotten totally hosed and our quest would have fallen along the wayside.  You’re lucky I was there to stop you.”


Princess Crissyanna scoffed in distain.  “You didn’t stop me.  I didn’t even know you were there.”

“Ah, but you did know.  I was your conscience, guiding you in the right direction.”

“I thought you were my destiny,” she queried.


“I am both,” Pierre Rodriguez replied.


Crissyanna shrugged her shoulder.  “Whatever,” she tossed as she flipped her hair. 


They continued on in silence for a while, until both the sand and the ocean were behind them.  Princess Crissyanna looked around their new surroundings, taking notice of the boulders decorated in graffiti among the tall pine trees.  Small, single-family huts dotted the landscape.  “Where are we now?” she asked.


“We’re in the ‘Hood in the Woods’,” Pierre Rodriguez informed her.  “We should be getting close to H.W. now.”  Keeping alert, they walked a little more until something caught the cat’s eye.


“Hmmmmm, what is this intriguing little hut?  I’m going in,” said Pierre Rodriguez.


“Uh, what was that about curiosity and cats?” asked Princess Crissyanna.


“Don’t worry, I have nine lives,” reassured Pierre Rodriguez.


“But, are you going in as a cat with nine lives, or are you going in as a prince who thinks he’s a cat and actually only has one life?” she asked.


Pierre Rodriguez stopped in his tracks.  “Good point,” he said.  “Let’s err on the side of caution.  You go in!”


“Yeah, like, in your dreams.  I’m not going in there,” said Princess Crissyanna as she folded her arms in front of her.  “You don’t even know what’s in there.”


Just as Pierre Rodriguez was about to argue the point, he stopped when he saw movement out of the corner of his eye.  Spinning about, he came face to face with an elf.

“Yo, whazzup?” asked the elf.

“‘Sup, homie?” replied Pierre Rodriguez.  “Do you know where we can find H.W.?”


“Sho’, I’ll hook ya up,” replied the elf.  “Jus’ follow that trail about a mile into the woods.  She's da last hut on yo` left.”


“Thanks, bro,” said Pierre Rodriguez, as he and Princess Crissyanna proceeded down the trail.


Excitement began to build within them as they neared H.W’s hut.  “What’s your plan once we reach the hut?” whispered Princess Crissyanna.


“Grab the potion and run like hell,” replied Pierre Rodriguez.


“Ok, got it!” said Princess Crissyanna as she intently eyed the hut.  Pierre Rodriguez rolled his eyes again.  ‘Well, maybe it will just work like that,’ he thought to himself.  Stealthily, they approached the last hut on the left.  Cautiously, the crept under a window.  Slowly, they raised their heads and peered inside.


“What do you see?” asked Princess Chrissyanna.  Pierre Rodriguez glanced over at her.  “The same thing as you,” he replied.


“Okay, good.  Just checking,” she said as she lowered herself back down underneath the window.


They sat there a moment, resting against the side of the hut.  Deep in thought, Princess Crissyanna reached into her bag and absently began rolling Paradise Punch lipgloss on her lips.  Suddenly, she stopped, mid-roll.  “I’ve got it!” she exclaimed as she jumped up.


“What?” asked Pierre Rodriguez a bit warily. 


“Just follow my lead,” she said as she rang the doorbell.  Inwardly, the cat braced himself.


They heard much banging and clanging about as someone from inside apparently made their way to the front door.  Swinging it open, they were face-to-face with a highly irritated witch.

“Who the hell are you and why are you ringing my bell?” she asked.

“Excuse me, lovely lady, but are you Hillary the Witch?” asked Princess Crissyanna politely.


The witch narrowed her eyes.  “Who are you?” she repeated.  Then she noticed the cat.  Looking down at him she asked “do I know you?”


“Uh, meow?” he replied.


Princess Crissyanna brushed past the witch before she could shut the door on them.  “Oh, please lovely lady, I only need a few minutes of your time.  I am the sole representative of Princess Comely Cosmetics, and I have just the thing for you.”  And with that, she took the befuddled witch’s arm and led her into her kitchen, where she sat the witch down at the table and proceeded to dump out the contents of her purse.  H.W. stared dumbfounded at the array of beauty products before her.  “Here, dollface, you really should try this sparkly eyeliner.  It’ll make your eyes pop,” Princess Crissyanna explained to H.W. before whispering to the cat “go now!”

“What?” asked H.W. sharply.


 
“Uh, I said ‘go now….girl.  You go!” Crissyanna recovered, and she handed Hillary the Witch her Swarovski-covered compact so she could watch the progress of her make-over.


Amazed that this was actually working, Pierre Rodriguez quietly slipped away in search of the magic potion. 


Luck was on their side.  It didn’t take him long to come across the bottle, packaged in a black velvet gift bag cleverly marked ‘catnip.’  He paused, wondering how it was going in the kitchen.  Listening intently, he could hear Princess Crissyanna extolling the wonders of a good microdermabrasion.  Acting quickly before H.W. lost interest, Pierre Rodriguez looped the silk handles of the gift bag around his neck and ran out the back door.  Coming around to the front window, he carefully poked his head up just enough to make eye contact with Princess Crissyanna.  She nodded slightly, acknowledging his presence. 


“Well, then, we’re finished!” she said to H.W., abruptly ending their make-up session.  “Here, keep these cosmetics for a few days.  Try them out.  I’ll be back by the end of the week to take your order.” She was slowly backing toward the door.  H.W. was studying herself in the compact, turning her head from side to side.  “What if I - ” looking up, she saw that she was alone.  Princess Crissyanna had made her escape. 


Breathing hard, the cat and the princess ran as fast as they could to the edge of the woods.  Reaching the beach once again, they stopped, gasping for breath.  Grinning, Princess Crissyanna carefully removed the velvet gift bag from around Pierre Rodriguez’s neck. 


“We did it!” she exclaimed.


“Yes, we did.  Now hurry and open the bottle before H.W. finds out it’s missing,” instructed Pierre Rodriguez.  With trembling hands, Princess Crissyanna uncorked the bottle.  Pierre Rodriguez tilted back his head, and she carefully, slowly, poured the contents down his throat.


“Well?” she asked as she placed the cork back on the empty bottle.  “How long does it take to work?”


“A couple hours,” replied Pierre Rodriguez.  “And if we start now, we should be half-way back to the valley by then.”


And so, the totally rad, soon-to-be righteously real princess and her soon-to-be real prince walked blissfully toward home…where they would live happily ever after.  But not in the valley.  Valleys are so yesterday….

 

© Dahlia Ramone: March 10, 2008

 

 

He's doing what now??



“Lauren!  Lauren!”

Lauren looked over the heads of the people milling about the airport terminal until she spied her friend, frantically waving and yelling to get her attention.  Smiling, Lauren made her way over.

“Hey Tara,” she greeted as she hugged her friend.  “It’s been too long.”

“Seriously,” replied Tara happily.  “Welcome home.”

‘Home’ was a small town in Chesterville, a place Lauren hadn’t been to in several years.

“So, anything new and exciting going on around here?” she asked Tara as they made their way to baggage claim.

Tara looked sideways at her friend.  Did she dare tell her?  Mentally shrugging, she figured Lauren would find out sooner or later.  Better she heard from a friend.

“Oh, you know, not much happens here,” she began.

Lauren nudged Tara, laughing.  “Tara, I haven’t forgotten how small this town is.  If the wind changes direction it makes front page news.”

“Funny you should mention ‘front page news,’” began Tara hesitantly.

“Yeah, why?  Is there somethin- what the…?” exclaimed Lauren as she stopped in her tracks before the terminal’s bookstore.

‘Here we go,’ muttered Tara to herself.

“Please tell me this isn’t Max,” begged Lauren as she picked up a magazine, sealed in plastic wrap, from the counter.  

“Um…actually…..” Tara didn’t bother finishing.  She paused a minute before asking “are you going to buy it?”

“Are you out of your mind?  Is HE out of his mind?” asked Lauren in disbelief.  She put the magazine back on the shelf.

“Come on, Lauren, aren’t you curious?  Don’t you want to see it?” asked Tara.

“I lived with the guy for three years, Tara.  I’ve seen it.  At this point it's all TMI.  What the hell is Max doing on the cover of - ” Lauren picked up the magazine again “ - Shooters, anyway?”

“He’s, uh, gone into movies,” explained Tara.

“What, porn?” asked Lauren incredulously. 

“Well, yeah.  And because this is such a small town, he’s become somewhat of a celebrity around here.”

“Oh, please,” said Lauren in disgust as she put the magazine back a second time and walked away.

Hurrying to catch up to her, Tara continued.  “You know, he’s still living here.  You should call him.”  Catching Lauren’s sideways frown, Tara finished “Or not.”

“How about we go get a drink instead?  Suddenly I need one.”

“Yeah, a stiff one,” said Tara giggling.

“Oh, shut up,” Lauren replied, slightly irritated.

The two girls retrieved Lauren’s luggage and headed over to Mulligan’s.  It was their favorite hangout before Lauren moved away, and still had the best drinks in town.  Sliding into a booth with their drinks, they proceed to catch up on each other’s lives, with all thought of Max gone from their minds.  That is, until he walked through the door.

“Uh oh,” said Tara into her drink.  “Look who’s here.”

Lauren looked toward the front of the bar and nearly choked on her drink.

“Oh my God.  He swaggers now?” she asked. 

“He thinks he’s hot shit now,” said Tara.  “Seriously, he’s really changed.”

“How the hell did he get into porn anyway?” asked Lauren as she watched Max work the front of the bar.

“Well, after you left him, he was pretty depressed for a while.  Then some cheesy production company rolled through looking for ‘talent.’  Maybe Max felt he needed to prove himself.  I don’t know, but somehow he got involved with the producer’s daughter and then ended up in a movie.  Then he made several more pretty much back-to-back.  And now he thinks he’s God’s gift or something.”

“Amazing,” said Lauren as she absorbed what Tara had just told her.  “Quick!  Let’s get out of here before he sees us.”

“Too late,” replied Tara as Max made eye contact with her.  His eyes opened wide as he looked from Tara to Lauren.  With a huge smile, he sauntered over to them.

“Hey darlin,” he purred when he reached their table.  “When did you get back into town?”

“Two hours ago, and I’m not staying long,” replied Lauren.  Deciding to feign ignorance, she asked “so, how’s things with you?”

Max slid into the booth beside Lauren, forcing her to edge closer to the wall.  Extending his arm behind her, he began, “oh, I can’t complain.  Things are really looking up for me, Honey Baby.”

“Oh, please!  Stop with the names before I throw up,” said Lauren.

“What?” asked Max, clearly offended.  “You used to love it when I called you nicknames.”

“That was before.  You’ve changed,” Lauren told him.

“Baby, chicks did me now.  I’m huge!” boasted Max.

Lauren pointedly let her eyes travel downward before coming back up to look Max straight in the eyes.  “Yeah?  I’m thinking ‘not so much,’” she replied dryly.

“Well, you’re still a bitch,” retorted Max.

“You’re a porn star, Max.  What the fuck?” asked Lauren.

“Hey, it’s not as bad as it sounds.  At least I’m a star,” defended Max.  “And get this:  the staging for our next film will have a London theme.  It’ll be called ‘Big Ben.’  Guess who’ll be playing Ben?’ he asked as he nudged Lauren in the arm with his elbow.  She refrained from comment.

“Anyway, I expect the film to do really well in Europe.  And then, I’ll be a Eurostar!”  At that, Max caught Lauren’s eyeroll. 

“What the hell have you done since you left?” he demanded.

“This isn’t a competition, Max,” said Lauren, exasperated.

“Oh, Max, you should tell Lauren your stage name,” suggested Tara.  Lauren looked sharply over at her.

“What?” Tara asked innocently.  “I’m just saying, you know, in case you ever want to rent one of his movies, you’ll know who to look for,” she finished as she began giggling into her drink.  Lauren rolled her eyes again and turned back to Max.

“Well, I don’t imagine you’re going by Max Bartley,” Lauren mused as she took a sip from her glass.

“No, it’s Max Hardon,” replied Max.  Lauren spit her drink out across the table, barely missing Tara.

“You are not serious?!” she gasped.  Max grinned.

“Come on, Lauren,” he said as he let his hand fall on her shoulder.  “Let’s hook up for a while, for old time’s sake.”

Lauren flicked his hand away.  “No, Max.  I’m not interested anymore.”

“Oh, come on,” he wheedled, “you know you’ll have a good time.”

"Just go, Lauren,” teased Tara.  “It won’t be so bad.  And besides, if it is, remember Max is a porn star now.  He’s used to girls faking it.”

Max glared over at Tara.  “You can shut up now.”

Snickering into her drink, Lauren was beginning to enjoy herself.  Resting her face in her hands, she turned to Max.  “So tell me, how do they choose the music for those films?”

Abruptly, Max stood up from the table.  “I won’t sit here and let you mock me.  I’m a celebrity now,” he stated, puffing out his chest.  As if on cue, two apparent wanna-be starlets saw him and bee-lined to their table.

“Oooh…..Max Hardon!  Will you sign my shirt?” asked one.

“No, sign me…sign me…” interrupted the other.

Max smiled suavely at the two newcomers.  “Of course, darlings,” he said as he put an arm around each girl and turned from the table.  Glancing back at Lauren, he briefly nodded to her, one of those ‘catch ya later babe,’ type of nods.  Lauren stared back at him, dumbfounded.

She and Tara watched in silence as Max and his new friends settled into the far corner of the bar.  Then they looked at each other and erupted in a fit of giggles. 

Mockingly, Tara said to Lauren “you really missed the boat on that one.  You could have had a celebrity.”

“No, baby,” replied Lauren in her best male gruff voice, “I’m a star!”

And in Max’s head, he was.

 

© Dahlia Ramone: May 6, 2018 *

 

 

* Originally written in 2008 for LFB (Topic: “Your character’s ex becomes a celebrity”); revised May 6, 2018 for Blogophilia prompts.

 

Blogophilia Week 10.11 Topic:

TMI (Too Much Information)

Bonus Prompts:

Hard (2 pts) Include a line from Mark Twain’s

‘Adventures of Huckleberry Finn’ **

Easy (1 pt) Include a mode of transportation (“Eurostar; boat)

 ** “It's not as bad as it sounds.” 

 

(Mark Twain - The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Night Shift at the ACME Warehouse



“Wow, Uncle Morton, this is going to be so great!  I’ve been wanting to come with you to work for like, forever!  I can’t believe I’m finally doing it,” exclaimed Jeremy.

“Well, don’t get yourself too excited now.  I told you this wasn’t going to be a good night for you to be here - I will be too busy tonight.  I’ve put this off until the eleventh hour, and now I don’t have much time at all,” said Morton as he unlocked the warehouse door.

“Yeah, I know, you’ll be busy inventing!” exclaimed Jeremy proudly.

Morton chuckled.  “No, Jeremy, I’ll be doing inventory,” he explained again as he opened the door.

“Even better!  Then I’ll be able to see all the cool stuff here!” Jeremy’s eyes widened to saucer proportion as his uncle flicked on the light switch.

“Just be careful and do as I say,” cautioned Morton as he grabbed his clipboard and pen.  “Remember there are a lot of dangerous things here.”

“Yeah, I know.  I’m a big boy now, remember?  I’m ten, in case you forgot,” boasted Jeremy.

“Then you’ll be a big help,” said Morton as he browsed through his inventory checklist.  “Ok, let’s start at this corner and work our way through the warehouse.  How many anvils do we have?”

 

 

Jeremy quickly counted the anvils on the shelf.  “Eleven,” he replied as Morton made note on his checklist.

“Ok, how many bottles of earthquake pills do we have?” asked Morton. 

 

 

 

Jeremy intently counted the bottles and reported the number to his uncle, proud to be such a big help.  They worked their way through the warehouse in such a fashion, and Morton had to admit that Jeremy was a big help.  He would have never made such progress on his own.

“We’re just about half-way through.  Let’s finish this row and stop for a snack.  How’s that sound?” Morton asked Jeremy.

“Sounds great!  I’m starving,” said Jeremy as he eyed something on the shelf.  “What’s this?” he asked as he picked it up.

Morton glanced up.  “It’s a disintegrating pistol, and it’s not a toy.  Put that thing down before you disintegrate something,” warned Morton.  “How many rolls of instant road do we have?” he asked.

 

 

Jeremy shifted the disintegrating pistol in his hand as he reached up to count the rolls.

“Uh, let’s see.  1, 2, 3, 4 - ” Jeremy accidentally jostled the pistol.  KA-PLOW!

 

 

“Uh, 4.  And one less pistol,” he replied, looking sheepishly up at his uncle.

“I told you that pistol was not a toy!  Now don’t touch anything else, I can’t afford to have any more inventory disintegrated,” ordered Morton sternly.  Jeremy backed away from the shelves and scurried over to the next aisle. 

“I’ll just wait for you over here,” Jeremy said as he rounded the corner.

“That’s fine,” replied Morton absently.  But just as he was about to check off the next item on his list, he realized what was on the next aisle.

“Jeremy!” he called as he ran after him. “Whatever you do, just stay away from the - ” he stopped abruptly as he turned the corner. 

“ - portable holes,” he finished lamely.

 

 

“Great,” he fretted as he looked around the empty aisle. “Now how am I going to explain that to his mother.”

 

©  Dahlia Ramone:  March 10, 2008/March 11, 2018

This was originally written for LFB on March 10, 2008, and modified for Blogophilia today.

Blogophilia Week 2, 11^th Year Topic:  Eleventh Hour

I used all the prompts last week and can’t get points for any now, but I’m still referring to one of them:

·      Mention Mars and a Looney Tune (I didn’t specifically do this, but I did incorporate AMCE products from the Looney Tunes cartoons - and Marvin does have a cameo ;) )

·      I am also reposting a favorite blog, but it was for Loaded for Blog, before Blogophilia existed.  Topic:  Write a story about the night-shift at the ACME warehouse.