He's doing what now??



“Lauren!  Lauren!”

Lauren looked over the heads of the people milling about the airport terminal until she spied her friend, frantically waving and yelling to get her attention.  Smiling, Lauren made her way over.

“Hey Tara,” she greeted as she hugged her friend.  “It’s been too long.”

“Seriously,” replied Tara happily.  “Welcome home.”

‘Home’ was a small town in Chesterville, a place Lauren hadn’t been to in several years.

“So, anything new and exciting going on around here?” she asked Tara as they made their way to baggage claim.

Tara looked sideways at her friend.  Did she dare tell her?  Mentally shrugging, she figured Lauren would find out sooner or later.  Better she heard from a friend.

“Oh, you know, not much happens here,” she began.

Lauren nudged Tara, laughing.  “Tara, I haven’t forgotten how small this town is.  If the wind changes direction it makes front page news.”

“Funny you should mention ‘front page news,’” began Tara hesitantly.

“Yeah, why?  Is there somethin- what the…?” exclaimed Lauren as she stopped in her tracks before the terminal’s bookstore.

‘Here we go,’ muttered Tara to herself.

“Please tell me this isn’t Max,” begged Lauren as she picked up a magazine, sealed in plastic wrap, from the counter.  

“Um…actually…..” Tara didn’t bother finishing.  She paused a minute before asking “are you going to buy it?”

“Are you out of your mind?  Is HE out of his mind?” asked Lauren in disbelief.  She put the magazine back on the shelf.

“Come on, Lauren, aren’t you curious?  Don’t you want to see it?” asked Tara.

“I lived with the guy for three years, Tara.  I’ve seen it.  At this point it's all TMI.  What the hell is Max doing on the cover of - ” Lauren picked up the magazine again “ - Shooters, anyway?”

“He’s, uh, gone into movies,” explained Tara.

“What, porn?” asked Lauren incredulously. 

“Well, yeah.  And because this is such a small town, he’s become somewhat of a celebrity around here.”

“Oh, please,” said Lauren in disgust as she put the magazine back a second time and walked away.

Hurrying to catch up to her, Tara continued.  “You know, he’s still living here.  You should call him.”  Catching Lauren’s sideways frown, Tara finished “Or not.”

“How about we go get a drink instead?  Suddenly I need one.”

“Yeah, a stiff one,” said Tara giggling.

“Oh, shut up,” Lauren replied, slightly irritated.

The two girls retrieved Lauren’s luggage and headed over to Mulligan’s.  It was their favorite hangout before Lauren moved away, and still had the best drinks in town.  Sliding into a booth with their drinks, they proceed to catch up on each other’s lives, with all thought of Max gone from their minds.  That is, until he walked through the door.

“Uh oh,” said Tara into her drink.  “Look who’s here.”

Lauren looked toward the front of the bar and nearly choked on her drink.

“Oh my God.  He swaggers now?” she asked. 

“He thinks he’s hot shit now,” said Tara.  “Seriously, he’s really changed.”

“How the hell did he get into porn anyway?” asked Lauren as she watched Max work the front of the bar.

“Well, after you left him, he was pretty depressed for a while.  Then some cheesy production company rolled through looking for ‘talent.’  Maybe Max felt he needed to prove himself.  I don’t know, but somehow he got involved with the producer’s daughter and then ended up in a movie.  Then he made several more pretty much back-to-back.  And now he thinks he’s God’s gift or something.”

“Amazing,” said Lauren as she absorbed what Tara had just told her.  “Quick!  Let’s get out of here before he sees us.”

“Too late,” replied Tara as Max made eye contact with her.  His eyes opened wide as he looked from Tara to Lauren.  With a huge smile, he sauntered over to them.

“Hey darlin,” he purred when he reached their table.  “When did you get back into town?”

“Two hours ago, and I’m not staying long,” replied Lauren.  Deciding to feign ignorance, she asked “so, how’s things with you?”

Max slid into the booth beside Lauren, forcing her to edge closer to the wall.  Extending his arm behind her, he began, “oh, I can’t complain.  Things are really looking up for me, Honey Baby.”

“Oh, please!  Stop with the names before I throw up,” said Lauren.

“What?” asked Max, clearly offended.  “You used to love it when I called you nicknames.”

“That was before.  You’ve changed,” Lauren told him.

“Baby, chicks did me now.  I’m huge!” boasted Max.

Lauren pointedly let her eyes travel downward before coming back up to look Max straight in the eyes.  “Yeah?  I’m thinking ‘not so much,’” she replied dryly.

“Well, you’re still a bitch,” retorted Max.

“You’re a porn star, Max.  What the fuck?” asked Lauren.

“Hey, it’s not as bad as it sounds.  At least I’m a star,” defended Max.  “And get this:  the staging for our next film will have a London theme.  It’ll be called ‘Big Ben.’  Guess who’ll be playing Ben?’ he asked as he nudged Lauren in the arm with his elbow.  She refrained from comment.

“Anyway, I expect the film to do really well in Europe.  And then, I’ll be a Eurostar!”  At that, Max caught Lauren’s eyeroll. 

“What the hell have you done since you left?” he demanded.

“This isn’t a competition, Max,” said Lauren, exasperated.

“Oh, Max, you should tell Lauren your stage name,” suggested Tara.  Lauren looked sharply over at her.

“What?” Tara asked innocently.  “I’m just saying, you know, in case you ever want to rent one of his movies, you’ll know who to look for,” she finished as she began giggling into her drink.  Lauren rolled her eyes again and turned back to Max.

“Well, I don’t imagine you’re going by Max Bartley,” Lauren mused as she took a sip from her glass.

“No, it’s Max Hardon,” replied Max.  Lauren spit her drink out across the table, barely missing Tara.

“You are not serious?!” she gasped.  Max grinned.

“Come on, Lauren,” he said as he let his hand fall on her shoulder.  “Let’s hook up for a while, for old time’s sake.”

Lauren flicked his hand away.  “No, Max.  I’m not interested anymore.”

“Oh, come on,” he wheedled, “you know you’ll have a good time.”

"Just go, Lauren,” teased Tara.  “It won’t be so bad.  And besides, if it is, remember Max is a porn star now.  He’s used to girls faking it.”

Max glared over at Tara.  “You can shut up now.”

Snickering into her drink, Lauren was beginning to enjoy herself.  Resting her face in her hands, she turned to Max.  “So tell me, how do they choose the music for those films?”

Abruptly, Max stood up from the table.  “I won’t sit here and let you mock me.  I’m a celebrity now,” he stated, puffing out his chest.  As if on cue, two apparent wanna-be starlets saw him and bee-lined to their table.

“Oooh…..Max Hardon!  Will you sign my shirt?” asked one.

“No, sign me…sign me…” interrupted the other.

Max smiled suavely at the two newcomers.  “Of course, darlings,” he said as he put an arm around each girl and turned from the table.  Glancing back at Lauren, he briefly nodded to her, one of those ‘catch ya later babe,’ type of nods.  Lauren stared back at him, dumbfounded.

She and Tara watched in silence as Max and his new friends settled into the far corner of the bar.  Then they looked at each other and erupted in a fit of giggles. 

Mockingly, Tara said to Lauren “you really missed the boat on that one.  You could have had a celebrity.”

“No, baby,” replied Lauren in her best male gruff voice, “I’m a star!”

And in Max’s head, he was.

 

© Dahlia Ramone: May 6, 2018 *

 

 

* Originally written in 2008 for LFB (Topic: “Your character’s ex becomes a celebrity”); revised May 6, 2018 for Blogophilia prompts.

 

Blogophilia Week 10.11 Topic:

TMI (Too Much Information)

Bonus Prompts:

Hard (2 pts) Include a line from Mark Twain’s

‘Adventures of Huckleberry Finn’ **

Easy (1 pt) Include a mode of transportation (“Eurostar; boat)

 ** “It's not as bad as it sounds.” 

 

(Mark Twain - The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn)